It was right after ‘Chotie-haazrie,’ the crack of dawn cuppa tea that the officers in Dehra Dun’s elite IMA-attached Staff Quarters enjoyed, that Colonel Panu Dutta absolutely un-productively whiled away his time in the hope that energy saved by avoiding morning chores (including ablutions) could rightly be directed in the pursuit of more pleasurable things. Such as the upcoming 6:30 am appointment of his promised to bring him.

*“Kie Aanone-doh…aaha…” he moistened his lips, savoring the taste of what was to come. (*What bliss…)

Anticipation they (yes, that famous family that always have a take on everything in life – probably the ones responsible for the original old wives tales and additional propaganda too, for all we know) say, is most times better than the real thing.

Well, not so for Colonel Panu Dutta, of the ample girth, rosy-cheeks and similar disposition fame. He soon found out for himself that when the heart is set on obtaining the elusive object of one’s desire, no amount of moralizing, preaching, pleading, sound advice (even expert medical ones) imploring and threats will stand in one’s way of final appeasement. Ah, awaiting the gratifying feel of the 6:30am appointment was half the satisfaction in advance, he mentally pleasured himself as he lovingly arranged the soft folds of his generous skin into his Uniform. He wouldn’t let his Batman linger near at these times for he did blush on occasion when a couple of the buttons popped!

A short, breathless walk (more of a waddle, but let’s be charitable for once) to the MES found the Colonel hastily dispensing with his fellow officers and their greetings, which, if not checked, (he knew from past experience) could well turn into a regular, engaging conversation on government policies, wives that didn’t quite understand them and the competition they had from younger, fitter officers eager to impress and earn their stars!

“Ah, Kochi!” was all the Colonel deigned to say by way of expressing his delight at his breakfast companion.

Kochi was a Major and well known for honoring meal times with the silence it deserved unless it was a staff dinner where he was expected to perk up everyone’s spirits with his jolly banter and keen sense of repartee. This morning, especially Colonel Panu Dutta was relieved to find Kochi sharing his table with him – because that meant having someone by his side who appreciated the nuances of fine dining were enhanced by the unspoken Japanese etiquette (Silence at the table means the food is good). It also meant his (Panu’s) actions would not be misconstrued – for he was about to indulge in one of the Seven Deadly Sins in a matter of minutes. Kochi was a country cousin, you see (fellow Bengali).

“Bearer.” Panu Dutta’s voice belied his well rounded proportions for it was as heavy as a Butter Toast. Goodness, there must be some truth to the belief that fat people are generally happy, for Panu very cheerfully ordered the same: Butter Toast. 12!

Twelve is right. That was to balance out the 6 eggs – sunny side up, please.

Bearer blinked and looked at Major Kochi Banurji, who felt caught in sort of a gourmet cross-fire and though he sympathized whole-heartedly with his friend and senior officer, Col. Dutta, he knew all too well the report given him just the evening before by Dr. Kiran, the senior Cardiologist at the Command Hospital – as did the others who would partake any meals with Col Dutta. Lay off the grease – get in shape, the Army doesn’t need a blimp! Well, those weren’t the exact words, I’ll admit – but the gist is contained in them better. All true friends, well-wishers, family and even kitchen staff had been warned that Col.Dutta was not allowed any butter – and everyone was to obey these orders from high command – after all, Dr. Kiran Dutta, being his better half and known for her spitfire nature, did not allow for any mess-ups with orders by anyone even thinking of flouting or working their way around them.

Bearer looked as if blinking was his true vocation – he did it rapidly and faster than before. He also said, “S…iiiiir???” and then “Suh!!” (The latter upon Col.Panu Dutta glowering at him for still standing there).

“Oh yes, you’re thinking about that health office order aren’t you, eh?? …about my not being allowed to put any but-tah –on the toast?”

Bearer changed stance to blinking and nodding in impressive synchronization now. “Well then,” continued Col. Dutta, as calmly as a fish in known waters, “there’s nothing to stop YOU from putting the but-tah for me, is there? And while you’re about it, bring me a bit on the side too….aah…..what say, Kochi?”

Kochi would have said something intelligent, I like to think, but bent-up double isn’t quite conducive to making the same.

*Gluttony, dear friends, is the Sin in focus here….did you actually think Adultery was the most common?